I spent Thanksgiving in NYC with my boyfriend and his family this year. I love NYC, and we went into the city every day to do something fun. Saturday was no exception, and we headed into Manhattan for some shopping. We braved the crowds for a while, and managed to get three of the things on our list. One of those things was a Blackberry phone for my boyfriend. I'd never wanted one. I always thought it was silly, or only for business people. And then I held it. And now I want one.
I insisted we go to Little Italy for dinner. We found a cute little restaurant that I can't name now if my life depended on it, and the waiter sat us at a table two inches away from another table with a 40-somethings couple who were madly in love with each other. It was like really being in Italy again.
Dinner was delicious, but we were both tired, so conversation was short. I hadn't been feeling well at all, so I was useless other than to eat the food in front of me. Justin received the text message he was waiting for, which included the address of the apartment we were headed to for games and general hanging out after dinner. I headed to the bathroom.
When I got back, Justin was attempting to navigate his new toy to find some sort of map system so he could figure out where we were going. He was utterly confused, and it was taking a while, but that did not bother me. I sat quietly, content with the food in my belly and the chance to rest. Suddenly I realized that the couple next to us was talking about us. I heard the woman say, "I should help them." And then they were talking to us.
"Excuse me," said the woman, "but are you two on a date or just friends hanging out?" We looked at each other. How to answer that one? We were not necessarily on a date, but we are dating.
Justin answered, "Uh, kinda both?"
"Well I'm going to help you out. You," she said as she pointed to my boyfriend, "need to get off that phone." Justin and I both stared at her, blinking, unsure of what exactly what was going on.
A few moments later, we gathered our wits. Very smoothly, Justin responded, "no." The woman began to protest, but he cut her off. "If I don't figure out where we are going next, this date cannot continue."
"Well, I just see so many couples separated by their phones. They're sitting right there with each other, and they never look up from whatever's in their hands!" Now it was my turn to jump in.
"Oh, no. Thank you for the concern, but we've been dating for a while, and he never does that. This is a brand new phone, and we aren't sure how to use it, and we need to find directions to our next destination."
She sighed a breath of relief. "Oh good. I just didn't want to think you were sitting here on this date and he was ignoring you. Too many couples are like that. We've been seeing it happen all day! It's just so sad!" I politely agreed. She continued on for a bit longer, and then finally they rose to leave. We said our goodbyes, and turned back to finding the navigation program on the Blackberry.
Once we figured out where we were going, we left the restaurant to wander up and down Little Italy for a bit. I bought him a cannoli and myself a cupcake filled with marshmallow fluff. We walked arm in arm and had a lovely conversation, and then we continued our "date" by heading towards our destination.
Monday, November 30, 2009
Monday, November 23, 2009
Welcome to Aunthood
I mentioned this news briefly in the last entry, but I was being all whiney about being the misfit, so I barely glossed over it instead of truly embracing it.
Kaylee Marie was born at 5:15 pm on November 20th, 2009. She weighed in at a whopping 8lbs 15oz. I hear that this is big, but since my mother always complained about how big we were (me: 9lbs, my brother: 9 lbs. 5oz, my sister: 9lbs 14oz), Kaylee doesn't seem all that impressive. But she is chubby and not alien-like at all! Alien babies freak me out a little, I'm not gonna lie. So when
Kaylee came out all chubby and looked like she was a month overdue, I was excited. I don't know and have never cared about the length of any baby, so don't ask.My sister squeezed her out in an hour and fifteen minutes. Not too shabby for my sister's first go at childbirth.
Kaylee is all kinds of healthy and robust. She certainly doesn't look newborn, although that probably has to do with the almost 9lbs. thing.
So far I am in love with being an aunt. I will get to play with her, corrupt her by teaching her intelligent bad words, feed her candy, and then I get to give her back. Right now, though, she sleeps a lot. Last night I positioned her blankets so she looked like Yoda, and said "Look like Yoda, I do" several times. Then I positioned the blankets so she looked like Jabba the Hut. She never woke up. Katie (Kaylee's mother/my sister) may have thought it was funny, although she was probably just loopy on pain killers.
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Wedding Weekend Extravaganza
I realize now that I've never explained how I am the odd one out in my family. How I am the misfit. Most of what I'm about to tell you happened during the time when a. I was really busy, b. blogger.com wouldn't let me in, and c. I'd forgotten to be good about keeping up with my entries.
Very specifically, the most important part of this story happened in May. But first, I must back up.
I am the eldest of three children. I am 25, Michael is 23, and Katie is 21. I was always the educationally driven child, even growing up, so it is no surprise that I went to college and then continued on to grad school. My brother attempted some online courses, but quit because his English class was too hard (never mind that his older sister is an English major and writing center tutor). My sister tried a semester at a large university as a business major because people in this country have the false belief that you need a degree in business to open a business. Finally, she quit and started attending a local community college for Culinary Arts while living at home. She's going to be a great chef. The traditional 4-yr college experience is an oddity in my family. My father went to mechanics school to learn how to work on cars, and my mother quit college after a semester. They are both very successful, my father as one of the top auto fire investigators on the East Coast, and my mother as a successful photographer with her own studio on our property. But I'm the only one in my family to complete college, let alone head off to grad school. Plus, I focused on Shakespeare. My mother once thought that some guy named Macbeth wrote the play A Midsummer Night's Dream. So...I'm on my own here.
My brother dated the same girl for years. She wrapped him around her little pinky and never let go. So he proposed, and they set the date for May 2, 2009.
My sister dated the same guy for years. They argued a lot, but it was because they are both stubborn as oxes. He loved her, tho. It was easy to see. He moved into the barn with my sister. Halfway through her first semester as a culinary arts student, Katie found out she was pregnant. Adam immediately proposed. My family is difficult to gather in one place, so my parents suggested that Katie and Adam tie the knot the day after my brother's wedding. May 3rd, 2009.
I have failed miserably at the game of love. I was not going to get married any time soon.
I did have a boyfriend at the time, however. Originally I thought inviting him to the wedding weekend extravaganza was a bit like asking a guy to willingly jump in the trenches, so I didn't ask him. But then I realized that since I was graduating at the end of May, and because he was doing some traveling of his own later, that this week (because I had to stay home after the weddings and watch my parents' house, who were justifiably skipping town as soon as the weddings were over) was our last guaranteed time to spend alone before I moved.
So he bit the bullet and came along.
Imagine being the eldest, in your mid-twenties, bringing your boyfriend to your younger brother's and younger sister's wedding(s) within the same weekend. If one more relative asked me when I was going to get married, I was going to snap. Just...it's as bad as you would imagine.
To top it off, I was not in my brother's wedding, and I was only a bride's maid in my sister's wedding. Katie's best friend was her maid of honor even though I had offered to fill the role (also when my sister gave birth to my niece a few days ago I was not allowed in the delivery room, but her best friend was).
My mother is about babies and getting married. She got married when she was 20, and she popped me out 2 years later. I'm already 5 years behind schedule. When my mother tells people about her children, she goes on and on about the weddings and the baby, and can only think to say that I'm living at home right now. Nothing about my accomplishment of earning two masters in Shakespeare by the age of 24. Or that I'm working on a third Masters (in Education this time). Nope. Just..."and then there's Lauren. [read here: the one who can't seem to find a husband or who can't seem to muster the wants to have me another grandbaby]".
I am loved. Very very loved. My parents help me whenever and however they can, and currently they are providing me with a roof over my head and food in my belly. They are also quite proud of me. But they don't quite know what to do with me except look at me with sad eyes. I don't fit into society's norm, and I certainly don't fit into this family's norm.
In this family you get a job. You get married. You have babies.
I want to find a fulfilling career(s) while searching within myself to find out who I am. I want to marry eventually, but not right now. And I want to adopt a young child (between 3 and 5 years old) after I get married. And I want to live in a bustling city, not slower lower backwater hometown, USA. I want to do more than just exist.
Life is tough when your brother and your sister fulfill your societal role before you do.
Very specifically, the most important part of this story happened in May. But first, I must back up.
I am the eldest of three children. I am 25, Michael is 23, and Katie is 21. I was always the educationally driven child, even growing up, so it is no surprise that I went to college and then continued on to grad school. My brother attempted some online courses, but quit because his English class was too hard (never mind that his older sister is an English major and writing center tutor). My sister tried a semester at a large university as a business major because people in this country have the false belief that you need a degree in business to open a business. Finally, she quit and started attending a local community college for Culinary Arts while living at home. She's going to be a great chef. The traditional 4-yr college experience is an oddity in my family. My father went to mechanics school to learn how to work on cars, and my mother quit college after a semester. They are both very successful, my father as one of the top auto fire investigators on the East Coast, and my mother as a successful photographer with her own studio on our property. But I'm the only one in my family to complete college, let alone head off to grad school. Plus, I focused on Shakespeare. My mother once thought that some guy named Macbeth wrote the play A Midsummer Night's Dream. So...I'm on my own here.
My brother dated the same girl for years. She wrapped him around her little pinky and never let go. So he proposed, and they set the date for May 2, 2009.
My sister dated the same guy for years. They argued a lot, but it was because they are both stubborn as oxes. He loved her, tho. It was easy to see. He moved into the barn with my sister. Halfway through her first semester as a culinary arts student, Katie found out she was pregnant. Adam immediately proposed. My family is difficult to gather in one place, so my parents suggested that Katie and Adam tie the knot the day after my brother's wedding. May 3rd, 2009.
I have failed miserably at the game of love. I was not going to get married any time soon.
I did have a boyfriend at the time, however. Originally I thought inviting him to the wedding weekend extravaganza was a bit like asking a guy to willingly jump in the trenches, so I didn't ask him. But then I realized that since I was graduating at the end of May, and because he was doing some traveling of his own later, that this week (because I had to stay home after the weddings and watch my parents' house, who were justifiably skipping town as soon as the weddings were over) was our last guaranteed time to spend alone before I moved.
So he bit the bullet and came along.
Imagine being the eldest, in your mid-twenties, bringing your boyfriend to your younger brother's and younger sister's wedding(s) within the same weekend. If one more relative asked me when I was going to get married, I was going to snap. Just...it's as bad as you would imagine.
To top it off, I was not in my brother's wedding, and I was only a bride's maid in my sister's wedding. Katie's best friend was her maid of honor even though I had offered to fill the role (also when my sister gave birth to my niece a few days ago I was not allowed in the delivery room, but her best friend was).
My mother is about babies and getting married. She got married when she was 20, and she popped me out 2 years later. I'm already 5 years behind schedule. When my mother tells people about her children, she goes on and on about the weddings and the baby, and can only think to say that I'm living at home right now. Nothing about my accomplishment of earning two masters in Shakespeare by the age of 24. Or that I'm working on a third Masters (in Education this time). Nope. Just..."and then there's Lauren. [read here: the one who can't seem to find a husband or who can't seem to muster the wants to have me another grandbaby]".
I am loved. Very very loved. My parents help me whenever and however they can, and currently they are providing me with a roof over my head and food in my belly. They are also quite proud of me. But they don't quite know what to do with me except look at me with sad eyes. I don't fit into society's norm, and I certainly don't fit into this family's norm.
In this family you get a job. You get married. You have babies.
I want to find a fulfilling career(s) while searching within myself to find out who I am. I want to marry eventually, but not right now. And I want to adopt a young child (between 3 and 5 years old) after I get married. And I want to live in a bustling city, not slower lower backwater hometown, USA. I want to do more than just exist.
Life is tough when your brother and your sister fulfill your societal role before you do.
Monday, November 16, 2009
Clash of the generations...and levels of sanity
It has been a terribly long time since I've written. I blame partly that blogger.com would not accept my email and password even though I knew they were correct. So I let it be for a while. I've been busy living anyway.
Life has not slowed down. Poppop was in rare form the other day when I told him I was driving down to Virginia where my boyfriend lived.
"Oh, you two are dating again?" We had just ended a 4 month break and were back to being a brand new shiny couple, and as we were never a real "hey, we're a couple" couple before, we were covering new ground every day.
"Yep," I said.
"Well, long distance relationships don't work out anyway." I was floored. I should expect my grandfather to say the wrong thing at the wrong time by now, but it still floors me. Still. How does he pick the exact thing to not say to me? We had separated partly because we weren't sure we could make it after I moved back to Delaware, and just a couple of days after we decide to try it again, my grandfather's throwing that sentence in my face. But I am getting better at recovering from the kick to the gut fast enough to retort.
"So I should just give up, huh?" I never said my retorts were good ones. One step at a time.
"No, I'm saying that he should move here. Why is he still down there?"
'Because he is still in school." We met in the same program, and I was a year ahead of him, so he's just a few months away from graduation.
"He's still in school? Well, is he going to get a job after he graduates?"
"He's not sure yet. He'll either look for a job or apply to grad school for a PhD."
"And then he'll still be in school? Doesn't that take a long time? You can't get married when you're in school." When did this turn to marriage? And why does education automatically exclude marriage? Then he asked, "are you two going to get married?" I swear to you, if he wasn't an 86 year old man I would have punched him. I had sworn that I would punch the next person who asked me when I was getting married. I am the only child left in my immediate family not married. And I'm the eldest. Society dictates, then, that I am an anomaly. The eldest always gets married first. Or at the very least second. Not me. I'm the third to go, and I'm in no rush. For me, marriage is the step after I've settled into my career and I can support myself. But I'm still young. I have plenty of time. But I digress....
"Married? I don't know. That hasn't really been..."
"Well when marriage is concerned, the woman should go to where the man is!" What? Did anybody else just feel the time warp back to the 1950's? And that's when I knew there was no point in arguing. One minute he wants my boyfriend to move to Delaware, and the next he says I'll never marry him because he might continue his schooling, and then finally he declares that I should move to him when I marry him. There's nothing to argue, nothing to discuss; he's having a discussion with himself in front of me. And so, I nod, think about biting comments that involve me asking him if I could scrub his socks by hand, and then head back to my room where I can close the door and shut out the insanity.
Life has not slowed down. Poppop was in rare form the other day when I told him I was driving down to Virginia where my boyfriend lived.
"Oh, you two are dating again?" We had just ended a 4 month break and were back to being a brand new shiny couple, and as we were never a real "hey, we're a couple" couple before, we were covering new ground every day.
"Yep," I said.
"Well, long distance relationships don't work out anyway." I was floored. I should expect my grandfather to say the wrong thing at the wrong time by now, but it still floors me. Still. How does he pick the exact thing to not say to me? We had separated partly because we weren't sure we could make it after I moved back to Delaware, and just a couple of days after we decide to try it again, my grandfather's throwing that sentence in my face. But I am getting better at recovering from the kick to the gut fast enough to retort.
"So I should just give up, huh?" I never said my retorts were good ones. One step at a time.
"No, I'm saying that he should move here. Why is he still down there?"
'Because he is still in school." We met in the same program, and I was a year ahead of him, so he's just a few months away from graduation.
"He's still in school? Well, is he going to get a job after he graduates?"
"He's not sure yet. He'll either look for a job or apply to grad school for a PhD."
"And then he'll still be in school? Doesn't that take a long time? You can't get married when you're in school." When did this turn to marriage? And why does education automatically exclude marriage? Then he asked, "are you two going to get married?" I swear to you, if he wasn't an 86 year old man I would have punched him. I had sworn that I would punch the next person who asked me when I was getting married. I am the only child left in my immediate family not married. And I'm the eldest. Society dictates, then, that I am an anomaly. The eldest always gets married first. Or at the very least second. Not me. I'm the third to go, and I'm in no rush. For me, marriage is the step after I've settled into my career and I can support myself. But I'm still young. I have plenty of time. But I digress....
"Married? I don't know. That hasn't really been..."
"Well when marriage is concerned, the woman should go to where the man is!" What? Did anybody else just feel the time warp back to the 1950's? And that's when I knew there was no point in arguing. One minute he wants my boyfriend to move to Delaware, and the next he says I'll never marry him because he might continue his schooling, and then finally he declares that I should move to him when I marry him. There's nothing to argue, nothing to discuss; he's having a discussion with himself in front of me. And so, I nod, think about biting comments that involve me asking him if I could scrub his socks by hand, and then head back to my room where I can close the door and shut out the insanity.
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