Family Obligation and Guilt

One night, during dinner, my grandfather turned to me and said, "Are you getting married any time soon?"

Now, here's the thing about that: I'm the eldest of three and about to turn 26. I have a steady boyfriend who lives 3 states away and just recently grasped the idea that we are a real couple, and I am currently one summer semester and one student teaching semester away from finishing my third master's (this one in education so I can teach Shakespeare to kids in public high schools) at a school in this state. I am stuck 3 states away from him until at least December.

Here's the other thing about that: My little brother and my little sister are both already married. My sister has already popped out her first kid. My brother married his wife on May 2, 2009. My sister married her husband on May 3, 2009. (Yes, the same weekend. It's a long story.) I brought my boyfriend to the weddings, which was three weeks before I would be graduating with my second master's in Shakespeare. I fielded "When are you two getting married!?" and "So what exactly do you do with a degree in Shakespeare?" questions all weekend. Neither of those questions, by the way, are supportive. If you think they are, you are twisted, like torture, or are already married and have figured out your life and forget what it's like to be single, dating, and/or floating around without a career. So, back to my grandfather's horrendous question.

"Are you getting married any time soon?"

I snorted a little. "No." Justin and I are just now casually and quietly dancing around the possibility of moving in together sometime after December. Marriage is no where near the top of either of our lists.

"Is that because you don't want to, or because no one has asked you?"

"Why are those my two choices, Poppop? Why can't I just not be ready yet? It's just not time. Why can't that be the answer?"

"Well, you're not getting any younger." Have I mentioned that I make up none of these conversations? I have a steel trap for a brain when it comes to conversations. He actually said that.

"I'm sorry. What??" I was a bit in shock. I hate these conversations. I hate that people actually feel that they are necessary. I hate that these conversations happen outside of movies and tv shows.

"Well, I have to look over my finances, and I just wanted to check to make sure you didn't need any money." Hi! I'm a full time grad student who is already $78,000 in debt from my last graduate program, and I am currently looking for ways to fund my final student teaching semester for THIS grad program. But you are right, I only need money if I'm getting married.

He continued, "I'm just hoping I get to see you married before I die." Oh, here it comes. "Your grandmother wanted to have great-grand-children before she died, but that didn't happen." My grandmother passed away in 2007. Her first great-grand-child was born to my cousin about a year later, and her second great-grand-child was born to my younger sister a few months ago, but apparently it is my fault that my grandmother didn't have great-grand-children before she died. Or maybe it's my fault my sister didn't get knocked up sooner. I'm not sure. I have three older cousins, by the way. Only one of them was married when my grandmother died, but I'm the delinquent who chose to further my education before I get married, so it is my fault.

Then my mother chimed in with wanting more grand children, and I quipped about how I was going to adopt, and this got my mother going again about how I was required to have my own babies, and then my dad just hung his head and walked away, which is how our dinners end more often than they should.

Later, dad asked me if I'd take him with me to Staunton when I visited Justin, and I said, "as long as you don't ask me when I'm getting married or pushing out babies."

"I'd never do that, and you know it," he said, which is true.

"I know," I said. "That's why you'll be invited to the wedding."